- You wake up and it sounds like there is a tiny woman in your skull screaming at the top of her lungs while she rips out chunks of your brain.
- You stumble out to find the kitchen and living room covered in empty wine bottles, glasses, playing cards and heartburn medicine bottles.
- You burst into tears watching Olympic synchronized swimming, which immediately shifts into uncontrollable giggles at how stupid you are.
- About the time you get that under control, you burst into tears watching an inspirational Nike commercial. You ask your husband to put you down.
- You check your email and find this photo you sent yourself from the night before of your husband playing knife games with your friend.
Please send help.