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6 Responses

  1. When I Blink

    I love this paragraph so much I can’t even stand it:

    “Maybe offering me “healthy candy” helped assuage Mom’s guilt for dining out and enjoying fondue in her polyester pantsuit when she should have been watching me sing The Brady Bunch theme song into a makeshift microphone made from a toilet plunger. Maybe, instead of enjoying her once a monthly scotch, orange juice & Sweet n’ Low, Mother Dearest should have been watching me enact scenes from The Bionic Woman that I totally made up because my bedtime was earlier than the show’s airtime. ”

    I am clapping.


    • Amy Vansant

      I can only hope you didn’t suffer the same indignation… though… since you’re a writer, too, I can only guess how many plunger concerts went bitterly unheard at your house…


  2. Deb

    Some parents will do anything in order for their kids to eat healthy, like what your mom did to put syrup on top of the eggs and waffles. My breakfast consisted of JUST candy —- Fruity Pebbles. Don’t feel bad, I think we all have had our torture! :p


  3. Melissa Marie

    My brother in law thinks it’s weird that my sister and I won’t walk with our hands in our pockets. Because, of course, we’ll fall down and break our wrists. You won’t see those dreaded broken wrists in my family, no sir. And now that all hoodies have thumb holes my mom is in heaven…


  4. bluzdude

    I was denied Pop Tarts and all the “good” cereals like Frosted Flakes and Capn’ Crunch. We had to eat breakfast that was “good for us,” meaning, “tastes like kitty litter,” and never had any prizes inside.

    I still harbor the burning resentment, and scarf up Pop Tarts whenever I have the chance.